It's Time

I suppose when you have a blog that you forget about entirely for over a month, it's time to let it go.
It's not that I don't have anything left to say, it's that I don't have anything that I want to say here.
I don't want to blog about the fact that Transformers 2 sucked beyond belief and that Michael Bay should be fired from any job even remotely related to Hollywood, forever. Except maybe serving popcorn at a local movie theater.
I don't want to blog about the fact that much to my great surprise I am seriously considering a Palm Pre over the new iPhone. It has more to do with the AT&T crapass network then it does the hardware...but as shocked as I am to say it, the Pre is far superior to the iPhone in many ways.
There was a time when these topics would have spawned a great, epic posting, full of rhetoric and snark. Now, it's exhausting to even think about.
Even trying to come up with an interesting angle for a farewell posting has proved a challenge.
When there isn't anything left to say, there just isn't anything left to say.
My blog was a great experiment.
It was a project.
It has served its purpose and now it's time to say goodbye.
So, thanks for reading.
Thanks for commenting.
Thanks for never buying anything Ed Hardy or ever seeing another Michael Bay movie as long as you live. EVER.
Who knows...another blog or similar project may emerge at some point, and if it does, I will post the info/link here.
Otherwise, red isnt dead is officially, well, dead.
Good bye, good luck, and thanks for reading.

xo
-A

Doctor Doctor

My previous review of Dr. Kwan was not too positive.
However, the past few visits have served as a redemption of sorts.
Like I said, it turned out the spot on my back was a basal cell carcinoma and when he called to set up the appointment to get it removed, he was great.
When I went in to get it removed, he was very thorough, and I was in and out of there in less than 30 minutes. He gave me very detailed instructions on how to take care of the wound (I had to have stitches after he cut out the offending tissue) and he also gave me a lot of samples of SPF and moisturizer.
When I went back several weeks later to have my stitches removed, I didn't see Dr. Kwan, but was attended to by one of his very kind staff. She took the stitches out like a pro, asked me if I wanted to see the doctor, and when I said "no" she sent me on my way.
About 45 minutes later I got a call from Dr. Kwan telling me he was sorry that he didn't have a chance to see me, asked me how everything went and gave me further instruction on how to care for my scar until it was completely healed.
I still stand by my original opinion in that he could have been a little more sensitive the first time around, however I will be back to see him, and now, have much respect for Dr. Kwan.
So the stitches are out, the wound is healing nicely and I have found a great new moisturizer with an SPF30 thanks to the samples he gave me last time.
So fair is fair and I wanted to amend my opinion of Dr. Kwan.
Thanks for reading.

Speechless

I really don't know what to say about the latest Ed Hardy douchery.
It rather leaves me speechless.
Wow.
Now douchebags have their very own drink.
Ed Hardy wine...hmm. Probably tastes like self tanner, cheap cologne and regret.

Here's One for Ms. California and The Rest of the Bigots

Spot Check

I got a call the other day from Dr. Kwan...the dermatologist that I blogged about previously.
It turns out that the spot on my back is cancerous. The good news is that it's a basal cell carcinoma.
This is a very common form of skin cancer in us light skinned folk and it's relatively simple to remove. Luckily this type of skin cancer grows from the outside in. So it's not systemic or invasive. It's commonly caused by over-exposure to the sun. I have had a few serious sunburns in my life.
Thank God it's not Melanoma.
So Dr. Kwan filled me in on the procedure over the phone. It's relatively simple, they numb the spot on my back, cut out the offending chunk of skin and sew me up. They will then send the blob off to the lab to make sure they got it all.
I will say, that Dr. Kwan redeemed himself a bit over the phone. He was very considerate and took his time explaining the results of the biopsy of my spot and what I could expect when having it removed. So perhaps, he is not a total monster afterall. I still think he could have handled the original visit a little more delicately, but I am willing to forgive and forget...especially since he will be cutting open my back in a week or so.
I'm feeling better about the whole thing and am sure that I am in capable (if not a little cold) hands with Dr. Kwan.
I let you know how it goes!

Damn, That's Cold

I had recently discovered a strange looking mole on my back and had these dry scaly patches on my forehead so I asked my doctor for a derm referral so that I could get a full body check. He recommended Dr. William Kwan.
I called to book an appointment and he was booked for almost a month solid.
I thought this was a good sign.
This morning, I arrived at the office 15 minutes early (as requested by the person I made the appointment with) to fill out the new patient paperwork.
I was immediately struck by how serene and tranquil the office was. Lots of clean, cool, colors. Frosted glass and brushed metal.
Whoever decorated it, has great taste.
I thought the display of skincare on the wall was a little tacky...But he is in the skin business afterall...so It wasn't too out of place.
I filled out the paperwork which didn't take that long.
There was a section that asked what I was "interested in".
I checked off: Microdermabrasion, chemical peels, anti-aging and sunscreen.
I finished the forms, paid my $25 co-pay and went into the examination room.
I admired the color scheme in the room as I sat patiently waiting in my paper dress.
Dr. Kwan came in and asked me what the deal was.
I told him of the spots on my body that I was concerned about.
He examined the one on my forehead, sprayed it some sort of really cold, burning, chemical to freeze it off and proclaimed it to be "pre-cancerous". Then he looked at the one on my back and said he wanted to do a biopsy on it. Before I knew it, I was face down with a needle in my back and him slicing off a piece of the growth to be sent to the lab to be checked out.
He asked me if I had anymore questions, said I should come in once a year for a body check and left. As quickly as he was in, he was gone.
All of a sudden I am l lying prone, in a strange, cold office in a paper dress. Not only am I missing a chunk of my back, but the spot on my head that he froze is burning like a mother.

That was it?!?!

I am an adult, I certainly don't require my doctor to hold my hand and make it all better. But, how about asking me a few questions? How about asking me what kind of sunscreen I use, or if I use any sunscreen at all? Especially when I checked "sunscreen recommendations" as an area of interest. ESPECIALLY when you just uttered the words "pre-cancerous and biopsy" when referring to my skin and then proceeded to freeze/burn and flay me?
Normally I don't mind a dermatologist who is a little cold and clinical. But I would also like evidence that somewhere under there is a bit of compassion.
I don't want to jump to conclusions...but I have a feeling had I been there for something a little more *ahem* expensive (ie out of pocket expense not covered by insurance) he would have been more than happy to sit and chat with me about my skin.
As it stands however, Botox, Restylane, and eyelash extensions seem to be more of a focus than pre-cancerous cells.
I don't plan on returning to Dr. Kwan.
I do however, plan on asking my Dr. for another derm referral.

A Call To Action

I would be surprised if anyone still logged onto my blog to see what's up.
I went from 237 postings in 2007 to 70 postings in 2008 and a mere 5(!) postings in 2009!
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there...does it make a sound?

Anyway...about a year ago...almost exactly a year ago actually. I was going on about "Creating Culture".
It's an idea that has stuck with me since then and has quietly hung around in the back of my mind, patiently waiting for me to take some kind of action.

About 6 months ago(ish) I was hanging out with my friend Cisco and we came across this topic again. He and I share a lot of the same views in terms of dissatisfaction with the current pop-culture landscape and a common instinct that there has to be more than what's currently being offered.
The whole conversation revolved around the idea that there are so many voices that are unheard and that neither one of us really identify with what media is offering up...more specifically the gay media.
I mean really...is it all Britney, circuit parties, Absolut Vodka and "Out Magazine"?
Cisco is a pro at creating for creations sake...don't get me wrong, the man is also a savvy capitalist, but I have never met anyone who is so content just to unleash his creative flow with no ulterior motive.
Our conversation continued in one form or another for several months with us finally deciding that the best thing to do would be to call upon our friends, peers and colleagues for their imput. We both figured that if we were disaffected and un-enthused with what was going on around us, that there had to be others that felt the same way.
Why take it upon ourselves to be solely responsible for content (that's a LOT of pressure!!) when we are surrounded by incredibly talented, vibrant, people who had a voice that needed to be heard?
So finally we've put our heads together and come up with "Gayvolution".
I've copied and pasted our mission/manifesto from the one sheet we've put together.

"We have been watching and waiting for something to connect with. Our eyes have been open and our ears perked for quite some time. Once in while, we catch glimpses of ourselves on screen, in windows, in print, and in design. But for the most part, we look around and find few representations of who we really are – specifically in the Gay Media and the Mainstream Media outlets that are aimed in our direction.

So we still have that itch, and we long for something else.

Don't get us wrong. We look at the glossy pages of a good magazine and listen to the ultra-produced strains of Beyonce as much as the next faggot.But as intellectuals, it’s hard to keep our minds and souls alive – let alone high-kicking – on a supermodel diet of prepackaged, overproduced, prefab morsels. We have manwich appetites.

Even the subversive and the alternative doesn’t get us hard anymore. Disingenuousness is a turn-off. Grit and dirt don't really count when you’ve designed them to be that way.

So we’re cooking up our own version of culture. We are rough and smooth. Glossy and unfinished. Polished and imperfect. We defy the labels of Twink, Bear, Otter, Pig, Queer, Faggot, Lesbo, Dyke, Tranny, Queen, Homo, Mary and Fairy. We pick and choose to wear those labels at our discretion or we create our own. We don't fit nicely into any box, but lift any lid and you're bound to find at least one of us in there. We are the next rung, another level, a new page. We are Gayvolution.

And so are you."

So this is where you come in my talented friends.

(again cut and pasted from our initial release)

"Send us your prose, poetry, rants, photographs, illustrations, graphic design, rejected submissions to Adbusters, photographs of your sculpture, your dirty underwear, your songs – whatever – by June 1, 2009. We want it all.

Submit whatever you can electronically to gayvolution@gmail.com. Writing can be sent as a .doc or .rtf file, in the body of an email – hell, if you chicken-scratched something precious onto a napkin, send that to us.We’ll scan it so everyone can witness your inspiration and/or desperation in its full splendor. Photographs should be sent as low-res and if we can incorporate them, we'll ask you for the hi-res versions. If you are still living in the dark ages and you only have slides of your work, we own a lightbox.

If you need to mail something to us, send it to:
286 Lexington Street, San Francisco, CA 94110."

We've also put together a page on Facebook for Gayvolution.
Who knows where this will lead us?
We are merely driven by the idea that there has got to be more than "this".

Are you dissatisfied with what you see?
Are you connected to the majority of the cultural landscape?
Do you have something inside of you that is burning to get out?
Then let's do it!
This is your chance to make your voice heard.
This our opportunity to change the way things look out there.
Get off of the bench and get in the game.
Who knows? We could be part of the Next Big Thing.

Etc...

As previously mentioned...I gave up drinking for the moment.
This Monday, the 9th it will be officially one month.
Truth be told, I don't miss it at all...I have always been able to "take it or leave it" when it comes to booze. I do miss the social aspect of it. However the newfound clarity that a sober mind brings is, at the moment, worth it.
I am realizing all sorts of things.
Things like: How fucking U-G-L-Y Ed Hardy clothes are! SERIOUSLY! It's total douche-wear. It's all fashion victims, wannabes, douche-bag-bros-and-the-sad-girls-who-love-them.
The same guys that do the stupid kissy-kissy face when a camera is turned on them or do that stupid backwards peace sign...are the ones that wear this shit.
"Ed Hardy...be a total douche or just look like one."
What else have I realized?
Lady GaGa is a fucking idiot. Does she not know that in Tagalog "gaga" means
"One who acts foolishly or says something stupid"
I guess not.
Yet another talentless twat who has covered up said lack of talent with excessive vocoder use and overproduction.
I am not saying that all pop music is performed/produced by talentless hacks...I do wonder however why does it seem that the most mediocre acts always rise to the top? I hope her 15 minutes have started counting down...the sooner the pop-culture landscape is rid of GAGa the better.
I think that about does it for now...thanks for reading.

Huge Douche

Kanye West is a huge douche...am I alone on this?

Day One of No Drinking For a While

The latest video installation. Day one of drying up!